Missing mummy, little big brother, little little sister and most of all cousin brother  - you.

I do feel low but with each new set back I pick myself up again and wait for the time when we will be together. It does feel beyond cruelty but others have been in this situation and survived. 

You can't imagine how I feeling. Yesterday I felt like I did the day you sent the picture of yourself in your blue jacket. I keep seeing you and I am reminded about the surprise I felt when I saw what a handsome man you were. Of course you are a lot older now and falling apart somewhat he he he but you still float my boat.
I Love You

Love my honey very much. Missing him very much.
Love my honey very much. Missing him very much.
Love my honey very much. Missing him very much.
Love my honey very much. Missing him very much.
Love my honey very much. Missing him very much.
Love my honey very much. Missing him very much.
Love my honey very much. Missing him very much.
Not much longer...

I'm glad the news we heard earlier today didn't come before I visited you. It could have been a problem. I have been to Waseley Hills. Had a lovely time. I thought of you being with me for much of the time.
Love you.

I'm going to start ironing whilst I wait for you to come on line - that just shows you how desparate and depraved I really am.

1:19pm
I have been to the bank; ordered statement; bought a new bag - it's big so in comparison I look smaller; bought a Sub - chicken tikka and cheese, and sprite; sat in the park - thinking about the time you and I have sat together on lovely Britich summer days, and tried to phone - only to find I will be charged so had to imagine you were there with me. I have done one lot of washing from the holiday and am now waiting for the white wash to finish. Pile of ironing to do, well two piles actually. Very happy despite you not being with me (that is always in the background and I try not to dwell on it). Missing you as always but I am more hopeful now than I have been since you went that the time is coming when you will be back. You asked what I would do if you died. I try not to think about that but it does pass through my mind especially now when I think of all this wasted time spent apart from you. I think about the way I bahaved towards you sometimes when you were with me and I hope to keep in mind that spending time with you is the best fun and I shouldn't take you for granted.
I love you.