Do you come to me to bend me to your will
 as conqueror to the vanquished
 to make of me a bondslave
 to bear you children, wearing out my life
 in drudgery and silence
 no servant will i be
 if that be what you ask. O lover i refuse you!

Or if you think to wed with one from heaven sent
 whose every deed and word and wish is golden
 a wingless angel who can do no wrong
 go! - i am no doll to dress and sit for feeble worship
 if that be what you ask, fool, i refuse you!
 Or if you think in me to find
 a creature who will have no greater joy
 than gratify your clamorous desire,
 my skin soft only for your fond caresses
 my body supple only for your sense delight.
 Oh shame, and pity and abasement.
 Not for you the hand of any wakened woman of our time.

But lover, if you ask of me
 that i shall be your comrade, friend, and mate,
 to live and work, to love and die with you,
 that so together we may know the purity and height
 of passion, and of joy and sorrow,
 then o husband, i am yours forever
 and our co-equal love will make the stars to laugh with joy
 and to its circling fugue pass, hand holding hand
 until we reach the very heart of god.

I know you dont like to talk about these things but all sorts of things travel through my mind and you know how I feel - if I dont state them they might come true.

When will this all be over? I dont really want anyone else to feel this way but if humanity really understood what it was like maybe they would improve the situation. It seems beyond cruel and unusual torture and I dont know why we need to be punished in this way. Why do we have to suffer? Both people at the UKBA seemed to speak to me as though I was dirt on the bottom of their shoe. Where do they get these people from (no humanity, no fellow feeling)?

Gosh I look old. I have found myself wondering what I would do if something happened to you and then I thought about the people who leave their old lives and become tramps and beggers. You hear tell of people who disconect from their lives and stat a new one on the streets. I am missing you greatly. Missing just having you with me. I dont want to do anything. I am finding it difficult to be motivated to do anything or find joy in anything. I feel so low at times. I try to keep myself cheered up but it is difficult. Everything just goes on around me and I am conscious that no one relly understands the pain I am going through except you. I saw the girl who I met when I was coming out to Pakistan and she asked how it had been. I had forgotten that it was her that I had seen. Which again proves how old I am getting. My memory is falling away. All I can do is feel an ache constantly in my stomach/heart.
Love you.